The Courage to Defy Identity ~ Defining Clichés Set By Society
“To be nobody-but-yourself ~ in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else ~ means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” ~ E.E. Cummings
We live in a world where every person fights hard to maintain the integrity of selfhood; a world where anyone questioning the current belief system is considered recalcitrant and is shunned. A world that teaches us the importance of our own identity before it inconspicuously burdens us with perceptions of its own.
For most of my life, I readily assumed that my career and education were the source of my self-worth. But with time, I have come to realise that they are simply building blocks in the grand scheme that life has laid out for us. Each one, important in its own right in shaping my identity, and yet each one has a very small impact on a macro level.
When I was younger, competition and comparisons fuelled my aspirations. But that was a different time, and I have now stepped into a version of myself that does not fear dissenting voices within me and has the courage to defy the outlines set by society and walk on a road of my own to discover my identity.
In doing so, I have come to realise that these 6 factors that I talk about below, are often almost instantly used to define the identity of a person. But the truth is that we need to look deeper and tie our identity with things more substantial and meaningful than these.
Your Appearance Should Not Decide Your Worth
I am from a country where beauty is defined in a very limited way. While I can see a change, and barriers are being pulled down; many people still live by the belief that appearances make all the difference. It can be difficult to walk over all those thoughts of “I wish I were fairer or skinnier”, but the moment you make it to the other side, you would realise that it doesn’t even matter because people will remember you more by the way you make them feel over how you look. Your identity is formed out of the impression you leave on a person’s mind through your words and your actions.
Beauty is transient in nature. There are different perceptions of beauty. Every person has the right to hold their own views but they don’t have the right to force beauty to be a deciding factor for your identity.
Your Education Is Not Proof Of Potential
The words of Iron Maiden’s ‘Educated Fool’ are ringing in my ears as I write this piece. Don’t get me wrong, I strongly believe that education plays a significant role in our lives; but it does not, in my opinion, form the identity of “you”, and your education says nothing about how useful you are in society.
My advice would be not to limit your success to your education or intellect. Some of the leading entrepreneurs in the world were school dropouts. Your potential lives deep inside you, irrelevant of the education you receive.
Your Career Does Not Define You
People from a specific walk of life don’t share the same identity. Jobs change with time and so does your view of jobs. What you are doing today professionally may not be what you will be doing a decade later. Regardless of whether you’re a hostess for a hole-in-the-wall eatery or proprietor of a start-up, these are probably transitory in your life.
Your career undoubtedly will have a deep impact on your life, and this is why it matters. But bear in mind that the position you hold does not characterise the person you are, and be mindful not to let others see you through the lens of your career path.
Your Salary and Bank Balance Can’t Judge Character
Your salary and bank balance can tell us how much you earn and how much you spend. Period. They don’t put in the picture the nature of your spending or the impetus behind any of your actions.
You may end up splurging at a casino, contributing towards a cause, or just trying to make ends meet. We oftentimes gauge people in terms of their earnings. I think that there is not a single person whose identity can be summed up through the amount of money they make.
Your Hobbies And Interests Are Not A Window Into Your Soul
I have known several individuals who are deeply passionate about their hobbies and interests. Some have even been able to successfully transform them into trade or a flourishing business. I strongly feel that this blog is my “fruits of labour” in following my passion.
But hobbies are not always the colour you want your identity to be painted in. Your hobbies may not offer a peek into your soul, into what you really are on the inside.
Your Past Is Not a Reflection of Your Future
Our lives are a chart of high and low points. We make mistakes, we pass wrong judgments, and we sometimes even become the reason for another person’s suffering. For the most part, our actions are unintentional. And, this is the reason we should learn to forgive ourselves. Your past talks about the person you were. Let your present actions define you as you are.
To conclude: Identity Is Bigger And Much More Encompassing
Small as the word may be, Identity, is much bigger and encompasses a lot more than just these 6 factors. Your actions and words are a much better mirror for your identity. The big and small things you do, and the dreams you hope to achieve someday, are connected to your soul more intimately than your salary or your education ever will be. Carve out an identity for yourself that does not bend down to rules of conformity laid down by society. Find the courage to defy clichés and to embrace yourself as you are.
I hope this blog provides you with the inspiration for exploring your creativity and personal growth!
Beautiful pictures and lovely post… And, your identity shines right through this share! ❤️
In my opinion, it’s important to understand that you are the only person who can influence yourself to feel a specific way… Others may try to control the result of a circumstance or your emotions, however your “Identity” will shield you from any attempts to control or manipulate.
Thank you, Kritika. Very well said!
These photos you’ve shared are as delightful as your words, Tanya! (I am drooling over the almond rum balls with jam!) I love when you share your learnings, and I continue to look forward to them. xx
Aw ~ you’ve made my day, Harsimrat!
Beautiful visuals and insightful post, Tanya. I’m so pleased I discovered your blog ~ because one of these days I will be visiting Bangalore, and will, of course, bring some delicious tea and some laughs… ❤️
I feel like a superstar, Riya! Can superstars wear pyjamas to work? 😀
Thank YOU for this! I really enjoyed reading your insights, and am so happy to have found some amazing inspiration from you here! Your knowledge and design thinking are both truly amazing! I hope to meet you some day!
You are just the best, Ayan! Thank you.
Just discovered your blog… Epic! I find you to be a lovely person inside and out, and that radiates through your work, design and style. You truly inspire, and the world needs people like you! ❤️
It’s comments like yours that put a hop in my step and keep me going, Anu!
Your words resonate so close to my own thoughts, Tanya. This was such an informative read that was thoughtful and impressive both in personal conduction and substance… I wish you the best, and keep on keepin’ on!
Thank you for reading my blog, Purvi. And thank you for sharing such kind thoughts about my writing.
Great post to read first thing in the morning… Your words came across the page and jumped into my heart! Doubtless you will go far, as you should – blaze on, Tanya! ❤️
Sending you great positive vibes, Preethi! <3
Young lady, you completely have got it going ON! Reading your post makes me feel like I’m reading about my own life! There’s nothing better than a good dressing-down to help you realise your self-worth!!
Thank you so much for giving me the inspiration to give it a whirl again, Uzma!
Just returned from a long and disappointing meeting… your post was the only remedy! Made me go “ahah!” so uproariously that it stunned the canine and he went all hyper butt-waggling!! Dreadful stuff, all gone… I hope your blog runs FOREVER!! xx
You are my new bestie, Nidhi! I LOVE the way YOU think!
I know I’m very late to the ‘ball’ so to speak, however I simply had to comment. I LOVE this post, and appreciate your honest approach!
Big hugs, my friend!
So much learnt, and how wonderful it is to constantly be amazed by your words! Love the care you put into your posts ~ they are always a treat! ❤️
Thank you very much, Rahul. Your words encourage me a lot!
So much diligent work has gone into creating this lovely balcony, Tanya. I can see the immense passion you carry for the work you do. Kudos!
Thank you so much for dropping by and sharing your lovely thoughts, Prarthana.
Listening to your heart is not simple. Finding out who you are is not simple. It takes a lot of hard work and courage to get to know who you are and what you want. Keep these wonderful shares coming!
Well said, Pranathi. Looking forward to more participation…
Tanya, your blogs are to-the-point, conversational and packed with information! I believe that your identity is inscribed into your being and grows with every positive choice you make!
I’m so glad you resonate with this, Nirupama. Thank you very much indeed!
We are all born into cultures, families and communities with certain values we naturally inherit. But in order to figure out who we are, we have to revisit those inherited values, and decide for ourselves what to believe, or what to value… Via my work, emotion, desire, and knowledge – I’m always a work in progress. 🙂
It is such a pleasure to see your comment. Hope you are doing great, Jayanti!
So so beautiful! ❤️ We all have one or the other specific quality which makes us different from the rest around us, and this is – identity; which gives the feeling of fulfilment of character, and through which we are always identified.
Deeply value your warm and heartfelt comment, Poonam!
Such an informative post! I often spend quiet time in thought and prayer about who I am and my purpose on earth… But more than anything, my identity is found in how I serve those around me; busy wife, mother, sister, daughter, granddaughter, and culinary professional ~ serving in all those capacities.
When we know WHO we are… we know HOW to live, Shreyosi.
How beautiful is this post, Tanya! Thanks for the insights. ❤️ I believe we form our own identity by being willing and open to see it all, hear it all, and decide what fits me, instead of what someone else thinks fits me.
Love your response, Prisca!
This is a beautiful post. But what awakened me was the insight you shared about one’s past… I’m learning more about the law of attraction and it entails focus on the internal self through self empowerment and self discovery!
So glad to hear this, Shayoni! Thank you very much for sharing my views.
I truly enjoyed reading about this… it’s usually not a much talked about issue on such platforms. Identity has always been something I’ve thought a lot about… This is a great topic to blog on, and I’m sure I will in the future. Hanging on to your post to remind me to do so. 🙂
Thank you so much, Hunny. Means a lot!
Such a unique write up, Tanya. I read and re-read it… and can really relate to your points.
When it comes to looking at identity and deciding who we are, I think it’s like de-fragmenting the computer, every so often. We all have fragments that will always be with us from the past, and we will forever be combining them with the reality from our present.
You’re a sensitive soul, Pritha. Thank you for feeling deeply.
Definitely a nice topic for this week… So many opinions and views here in the comments section!
I battled with this issue for a while because my culture, religion, interests, personality traits and just what I do in general – do not fit well together. I finally got over it when I decided that nobody has one identity… So, let us stay true to ourselves and make sure the choices we make are balanced.
Thank you for your thoughtful views, Sunakshi. They’re highly valued.
This was an empowering read, Tanya! While culture guides us and keeps us grounded, all the people around us can define who they think we are ~ they can give us an identity. Additionally, our identity grows as we age but I believe we still have the same character.
Thank you for this perspective, Suchi.
This is so interesting… I think that most of us change our identity to fit in everywhere. For me personally, identity is the way you are, you think, you live, you relate, and you feel. And with that freedom and wide choice you possess comes the ‘Responsibility’ ~ to maintain a sense of balance.
Thank you for resonating with this and sharing your thoughts, Mitali.