A Guide To Handling A Friendship That’s Turned Toxic
The only way to have a friend is to be one ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
It was while driving back after a weekend with my college besties {the new term applied now for best friends} that I pondered on the significance of having good friends, or rather true friends. There is always a sense of elation when you look at relationships and realise that you decide who your friends are, and their place in your lives is your choice. And that makes it more special and beautiful. I took the long drive back as an opportunity to reflect on my friends and the friendships I had built in my life, and then went a step further to contemplate on my favourite times; memories, and moments shared with them… It left me with a feeling of nostalgia.
Whether it is while growing up or as adults, we look for friendship at all stages in life. But then, as you grow older and interact with people, you realise that not all friendships create fun adventures or joyful memories. While some friendships are for life, many of your friends are fleeting memories and you see them drifting away for many reasons. And it goes without saying, that friendships play a monumental role when it comes to defining your state of well being and your general overall happiness. As they say, who you choose to spend your time with, let’s you know who you are as a person. If you can see no way forward, read on for a guide to handling a friendship that’s turned toxic.
I realise that as we grow into adulthood and start analysing our lives, the one thing that does not go unnoticed is the number of toxic friendships that carry on into adulthood. In my opinion, it is imperative to have some control over the type of friends you let into your lives because many of them can be a source of strain and stress.
Have your friends been there for you during your times of need? Or is it a one-way friendship where they expect you to be loyal and be there for them but are not there for you? Do you feel unhappy after spending time with them? If these questions have been on your mind for a while, then it is time to evaluate those friendships and take a decision on them. I.e. to remain friends with these people or remove them from your inner circle.
Personally, I feel any relationship that is draining and causes stress and strain regularly, can be categorised as a Toxic Friendship. I am sure we all would have had at least one toxic friend who would have left us with their dis-empowering halo of negativity. It is a slow process that slowly eats into our well being and encompasses us before we actually realise the potency of their negativity. Hence, you must pick out these toxic friends at the outset, and if you ask me, I would say that you should never sacrifice yourself and your beliefs just to appease another party.
Cutting negative people out of your life is important and just a form of taking care of yourself.
A Guide To Handling A Friendship That’s Turned Toxic
If you have made up your mind to cleanse and heal your life from these relationships that are unhealthy at all levels ~ physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual ~ here are my tips to deal with them:
Is this friendship causing more harm than good?
Relationships work both ways, and if you actually look around you, it is obvious that one-way friendships do not last long. I would advise you to become more aware of your interaction with your friends; are they controlling, spiteful, overly critical, leave you feeling emotionally drained, or make you feel guilty? Well then, it is time to give it another look and understand that while there are friends in your life who are genuinely supportive, love you unconditionally, and are always there for you during your good and bad times ~ the ones who leave you feeling emotionally and/or mentally drained are incapable of giving; they only know how to take.
How do I let go of a toxic friendship?
Isn’t your peace of mind of utmost importance above everything? That being said, nothing comes out of continuing friendships with toxic people. It is a vicious circle, and I would say you need to be a bit ruthless when telling the other party about your decision. Trust me, once you remove a toxic friend from your life, it will feel like a cathartic experience and your mental health will thank you. Self-preservation should prevail over any friendship.
Besides, I find that cutting toxic friends off from your life socially is just not enough; it has to be extended to your digital platforms as well. Delete or block their numbers on your cell phone, and unfollow or block them on all of your social media channels. All this is important to make a clean break and move on from the friendship.
Impressions for future relationships
Ending a relationship can leave you broken-hearted especially if this person meant a lot, but there should be no second thoughts when it comes to moving on from those who cause you pain and harm. It is one good way of knowing your self-worth, and once you know that, you will only attract good relationships in the future and your life will improve tenfold!
Friendship blues ~ coping with a break-up
It is not always easy to remove a close friend from your life, especially if the person has been someone with whom you have tried reconnecting and it hasn’t worked out.
I have some useful tips that will help you cope with a break up:
- Good or bad, breaking up with a friend is painful and it might bother you for a while. Feel the emotions, let them pass through you, and with time you will heal and will start feeling better.
- People change, equations change, and friendships change. Don’t blame yourself when a friendship is over. It is nobody’s fault. And just because the friendship is over, it doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy of making new friends.
- It is important to move on. With time you are bound to find positive and encouraging friends with whom you can bond better.
To conclude: It is not always easy to end a friendship; it can be as painful as ending a romantic relationship or a bad marriage. But then anything that leaves a strain on your physical and mental health needs to be looked into. My advice would be to look for like-minded friends who build you up and will bring out the best in you, that way you’re setting yourself up for happiness and success.
I hope this guide to handling a friendship that’s turned toxic has inspired you to look at your friendships with a new angle and perspective. Learning to draw better boundaries, ensuring that your equation with friends is equal, and speaking your truth ~ will increase the quality of all of your relationships. I hope you have a positive week and keep in mind that self-care and self-love are important.
Have you ever had to deal with toxic friends before? Or are you in the middle of a toxic friend problem now, and don’t know what to do? Do share in the comments below.